Tuesday, June 5, 2018



This week are sticking with special focus on Phase 3. Phase 3 is the point where a guy has left the gay world but he is in "hiding" before he starts dating. As a reminder, here is the clearance list you need to meet, before you get out of Phase 3 and start actually dating women (Phase 4). This post focuses on the part in bold!

The "clearance" list for your time in hiding

1. Is your living arrangement safe and well-kept?
2. Are you off social media?

3. Are your physique and grooming right for dating women?
4. Is your job stable?
5. Are you ready to become a father if you and a woman you are dating lose your caution and move too fast?
6. How is your concentration? Are you able to pay attention to what people say and listen without your mind drifting off?
7. Do you have a track record of sticking with your game plan for life?

8. How is your overall confidence and ability to handle rejection or hostility?
9. Is your car in good shape?
10. Have you been able to go without watching any porn and with near-abstinence of masturbation (at least 90-180 days between times you masturbate) for a healthy period of time?

Where you live matters

Once you have gotten out of the gay community (Phase 2), you need to figure out where you fit in. I have written previously about the importance of filling your time with service and discipleship. I strongly encourage you to join a church. You will find it easier to join a church once you are doing daily Bible reading and you feel more confident in your understanding of Christian scripture. 

But a lot of your day-to-day experience as an ex-gay will be determined by where you live. You want your home to be a place where you feel comfortable and safe. You also want your home to be well-kept. Ideally it should not be located in a place where there a lot of gay businesses in the vicinity. You cannot avoid seeing any gay people in your daily life but you should avoid gay culture. Individuals who are tied to the gay scene pose less of a threat to your journey than the larger scenario of being immersed in places where the false assumptions of gay ideology are taken seriously by everyone, and dissent from these assumptions is seen as strange and improper.

To get out of Phase 3 and start dating (Phase 4), you need to get your living situation so it is just right. This video talks a little about the value of building up a home that is right for you when you get out and start dating, further down the line.