Thursday, June 7, 2018



Is it true that women will only go out with rich and successful men?

Of course it isn't true! Many women have a thing for struggling artists, fledgeling actors, handsome bad-boy drifters, and principled guys who get fired for standing up for the little guy.

Note, however, that all these examples involve men who have a passion for something other than their love for a woman. My theory is that women do like men with a purpose, passion, project, drive, or career talent. Conversely, women are not interested in dating men whose only skill is asking them out on dates and telling them they are beautiful.

This week we are sticking with special focus on Phase 3. Phase 3 is the point where a guy has left the gay world but he is in "hiding" before he starts dating. As a reminder, here is the clearance list you need to meet, before you get out of Phase 3 and start actually dating women (Phase 4). This post focuses on the part in bold!

1. Is your living arrangement safe and well-kept?
2. Are you off social media?

3. Are your physique and grooming right for dating women?
4. Is your job stable?
5. Are you ready to become a father if you and a woman you are dating lose your caution and move too fast?
6. How is your concentration? Are you able to pay attention to what people say and listen without your mind drifting off?
7. Do you have a track record of sticking with your game plan for life?

8. How is your overall confidence and ability to handle rejection or hostility?
9. Is your car in good shape?
10. Have you been able to go without watching any porn and with near-abstinence of masturbation (at least 90-180 days between times you masturbate) for a healthy period of time?

One piece of bad news as you go from gay to straight: women are much more interested in your career standing. I remember in the gay world men who wanted to date me, would ask me how much I weighed or about details of my private parts but would rarely care what I was doing at my job. This is the complete opposite of women, who could care less about the size of my waistline or what sexual positions I prefer, but want to know whether I have made a good name for myself at my job.

To get out of Phase 3 and be cleared for dating, you have to have a stable track record regarding your life's work. I think a decent timeframe is two years. You should have been able to hold down one line of professional development for at least two years. This does not necessarily have to be a job. It could be any of the following:

1. A job. If you have been able to stay in your job for two years and you have gained respect, that's enough to clear this hurdle. If you have a low-level or entry-level job, what is important is that you do well in it and you grow as much as possible within your circumstances. Women will want to know that if you bag groceries, you do everything expected of you and you are a dependable worker in the checkout line. If you are a lawyer, women want to know that you stand by your obligations to your client and do not cheat.

2. A course of study. Lots of women fall in love with students. I met my wife when we were early in a PhD program. If you have been enrolled in the same program for two years and you have no pending incompletes or probation, I think you can be cleared for this part of Phase 3. Make sure that whatever you are studying, whether it is musicology or accounting, you have something to say about what you are studying. You won't want to talk a woman's ear off about your field--this is a big turnoff--but you want to be able to answer her questions about what you do with something interesting and passionate.

3. Charity work. A certain segment of the female populations finds do-gooders and bleeding-heart males irresistible. But it is important that you demonstrate that whatever charity you do, you really take it seriously. If you aren't holding down a steady job or developing yourself in school, it's okay if you have been a volunteer or altruist in some type of charity for two-years straight and you stick to it. Have you stuck with a church and served it well for at least two years, going each week to service? Have you established yourself as a known volunteer at a soup kitchen, youth home, or something like that? If so, you can clear Phase 3.

4. Arts or creativity. Need I delve deeply here? Women dig artists. They love men who have some creative passion, even if the guy sticks to it in the face of massive failure. If you have an art or creative work you love doing, you can probably get away with being a dropout, not holding down steady jobs, and not being the most reliable volunteer somewhere. It's okay as long as there is some art or creative endeavor that you've stuck with and developed consistently for at least two years.

There is a negative way to look at these issues and a positive way to look at these issues. The negative way is to say women are harsh in their judgments and they force men, in a sense, to earn sex as a reward for work as if sex with women is a benefit like a salary or a pension plan. Of course it's true that the Dire Straits song is wrong--chicks do not come for free. Gay men come for free, but by Phase 3 you've already decided that you get what you work for, and you want to find a woman.

The positive way to look at this is that women are designed by God to force us to be our best. Basically you will not have sex until you build yourself up into a man of substance and you have some talent, skill, or ability that provides meaningful benefit to the world around you. All the stereotypes about women loving money are absolutely true, in the sense that a rich man will never lack in sexual options. But you don't have to be rich to be loved. In fact, in some ways it's harder to find love if you are rich. You are looking for no more than one woman to be a lover to. If you are rich you need to find a woman who wants to love a rich man. If you are a poor artist you need to find a woman who wants to love an artist. If you are a middle-class guy who's back in school learning a new trade, you need to find a woman who wants a middle American man. 

Most situations have a proper match that can be found, a woman who is just right for where you are. 

There are some situations that are, however, deal-breakers. If you can't hold down a job, you have nothing that impassions you, you don't do anything creative, and you can't make it in a schooling will not have sex with a woman. And you shouldn't be trying to engage in sex acts that might get a woman pregnant or, at the very least, cause her to fall in love with you. Women's natural instincts prevent them from getting themselves into such a situation because when they come across men who are adrift and feckless, their natural guards go up. Sometimes a woman might have a thing for bad boys but if so, you have to be really good at being a bad boy. You can't just be a confused and disorganized boy.

This issue is perhaps the hardest one to accept for men who go from gay to straight. The gay world is a devil-may-care party where men offer themselves up for sex without ever asking about your profession or earning potential. The straight world is heartless in the value it assigns to productivity, rank, wealth, and status. Women do not offer themselves up to just anyone.

But see this in a fun light. Women extort self-betterment out of you by making you excel at something if you ever want to have sex. This means that as long as you limit yourself to women, you will have a reason to become better at life. And that's a good thing. 

My video discusses this: