[MAKE SURE TO READ THIS LINK FIRST IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME VISITING ENGLISH MANIF.]
Women are politely asked not to read this post.
In keeping with this week's focus on Phase 2 guys (guys who took the red pill and now need to break away from the gay scene), I want to post a quick note reinforcing the point about going to the doctor.
You CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT, go forward on this journey until you get to a doctor and say you want to be checked out for everything you can possibly get from sexual contact. There are three things you must address in this checkup.
1. Infections and Infestations
2. Mental health issues
3. Clearance for exercise
Infections and Infestations
The gay community is drowning in stuff, not just viral or bacterial infections but also crabs, fleas, and skin rashes. "Safe sex" was a lie your teachers told you in sixth grade. Condoms protected you from some things but not from others (for instance, pubic lice or herpes passed from shedding sores). You can run around lying and say you used a condom for oral sex but that's nonsense and you know it, plus there are still tons of things you get from oral sex with a condom.
Gay men are exposed to so many pathogens you have to worry about everything under the sun, even if all you did was kissing, body contact, or mutual masturbation. Because of the incredibly high concentrations of bacteria in feces, the septic (or "toxic") matter of gay sex is multiplied as disease-carrying stuff gets on guys' hands and surroundings. Everything in the gay world also has co-morbidity because men who have one infection have a lower immunity to others and weaker ability to overcome other infections.
And if you were having sex with guys, you were part of the scene. Even if he swears he has only been with you. Men lie. And if they have been involved with gay sex, they might be carrying the pathogens that cause warts or other skin rashes on their hands. Their ears, nose, and throat could be infected with pathogens that got there because so much feces was released in playing with anal sex. The sex toys gay men use also spread lots of diseases because people usually don't wash them.
It is NOT like being in the straight community. Everything in the gay community is magnified by the fact that anal sex is so incredibly dangerous and unclean. Also, the fact that the gay male scene lacks women to put the brakes on easy sexual contact means that all the men in the gay male scene carry a super-high risk of carrying disease.
The sheer health issues from gay sex matter a great deal. This is part of the reason the English Manif sets up five phases and you only approach full sexual contact with a woman by the end of Phase 4, only engaging in intercourse in Phase 5. You need a stretch of time to discipline your body to deal with delayed gratification, build up your musculature to be prepared for a sexual relationship with a woman, build up your ego and mental strength--but also you need to let all the possible infections and infestations play out.
If you are in Phase 2, the first thing you must do is go to a doctor. If you don't have health insurance, just pay out of pocket and get this done. Whether you see a gay doctor or not is a tough question you have to deal with, based on what information you can get about the physician.
The advantage of seeing a gay physician is that the guy probably knows a good deal about the full range of things you need to be tested for. You may feel more comfortable telling him you need to be checked out from top to bottom. Do not tell him this is because you are thinking of going straight. That's none of his business anyway, and he might go GLAAD on you when you really need to get clean.
The disadvantage of seeing a gay physician is that he may think it's perfectly normal to walk around doing things that put you at risk of getting crabs or warts. If he lives with that risk he may simply think it is no big deal. He also might want to launch into some long advice that's awful advice.
I remember seeing a doctor after I got out of the Army. I wanted to get a full check-up, and this gay guy told me I could still have gay affairs on the side and not even use condoms as long as I got tested regularly and had "open communication" with everyone. Can you imagine what would have happened if I had listened to that guy?
Often you can contact local Christian organizations and try to see a Christian male doctor. I REALLY think you should not go to a female physician for this checkup. It is just too scary to tell a woman everything you need to check out, and you may never recover from that discomfort, or you may avoid getting the full checkup.
The advantage of seeing a Christian male doctor, especially a guy who is married, is that he is likely to project his instincts onto you. His gut will want to save you from gay activity and since his life involves protecting a woman from harm, he will do everything he can to get you clean so you don't harm a woman or pass infections on to your children.
The disadvantage of seeing a Christian male doctor is that he might go into TMI/denial/shock mode if you tell him what you need to get checked out for. He may also feel defensive or fearful about a lawsuit, with the result that he might not want to say anything negative about homosexuality. This will complicate your situation because you need frank, brutally honest advice about the health risks your past poses to you.
Another disadvantage of seeing a Christian male doctor is that he might worry about your intent to start dating women. So go slowly in bringing that up to him. But he might be your biggest ally in giving you advice about how to get into relationships with women. It all depends on how he interacts with you.
I am not a medical expert, but I can share some of the timeframes I have seen in my experience and in others' experience. You will have to wait three months to know if you have HIV. The window period is agonizing -- I once wrote a whole screenplay about it, which of course the gays would never tolerate! -- but just buckle down and deal with it. The HIV antibodies take a while to show up in your bloodstream. So if you get a negative HIV result but it's too soon in the window period, you blew it! If you don't get another HIV test and it's three years later and you are making love to your wife twice a day, you may hear the most crushing blow of all time: You have given death to the woman you love. And of course this means your children may be born with the infection.
When it comes to HIV just do not talk to anybody gay or pro-gay. They have forced themselves to exist in this messed-up universe where it's normal to pass around a death virus and they just rationalize the fatality of the disease by talking about white blood cell counts and anti-retroviral treatments. HIV is death. It is a fatal disease. You do not want it.
If you have HIV, you should go to another website that helps you with celibacy. Try www.josephsciambra.com, an ex-gay who deals with celibacy issues. You may also google the following:
First Stone Ministries
Courage (Catholic organization)
This is important to say: You CANNOT go on this journey if you are HIV+. And you cannot avoid HIV by avoiding the test for HIV. You cannot play games by intentionally getting tested too early in the window period to avoid dealing with an HIV+ result.
In going from gay to straight, you are now dealing with the responsibility of a sexually mature male who can kill women by misusing your penis; everything you do from this point on also carries the full risk of getting women pregnant. Even if you intend to wait until you are married, you may find a woman just gets into your bloodstream and you lose self-control.
I hate the fact that I didn't wait until I married my wife. It really bugs me. But I can't lie to people reading this. I had wanted to be fully chaste and have a full honeymoon. But on that Thanksgiving night, I was possessed. I guess that's what people call being in love. My whole body wanted it and the minute I saw she wanted it too, I couldn't stop myself.
On this journey you are going to get gradually into dating arrangements where women will become increasingly insistent that you show them affection. Since you are an adult and unchaperoned, you have to go forward with the understanding that you might lose control of the journey and end up doing something that could get her pregnant.
I am NOT encouraging you to fornicate. But the fact is that women have sexual powers over us that you cannot mess with. And the truth is that very often it is women who initiate sex and try to draw you into it, even if they know they risk getting pregnant.
So from Phase 2 on, you are going forward with a huge and dangerous burden on you. You cannot take a single step forward until you find out if you have HIV (and know for sure you don't have it). If you have HIV you are a loaded gun and the fate of women and children are downrange. I am sorry to be so blunt but that is how it is.
Regarding other diseases, the big and bad one is herpes. It's incurable but it only poses a problem when you get a breakout. You can manage it and it is not fatal, though it poses a risk to babies if you pass herpes on to your wife and she has an outbreak just before the childbirth. But deal with things one at a time. If you find out you have herpes, you can talk to your doctor about the best way to manage it. I don't think you should abandon your journey over that.
Other things like gonorrhea and syphilis will usually have already caused symptoms in you. You can take a shot that takes a while to resolve, but from what I've heard it's not like you have to wait for weeks and weeks to get rid of that.
If you find out you have crabs, you have to shave yourself down and put on this lotion that kills them. You will have to vacuum clean and fumigate your whole home. This takes some days.
Your doctor can explain all the other things you might have to worry about, like epididymitis, chlamydia, warts, or a million other things. You also may have gotten basic things like the flu. All this stuff has window periods for testing and then time for treatment.
So be realistic with yourself, if you have been messing around on the gay circuit. You need to set aside a few months to get clean.
2. Mental Health Issues/Addictions
Once you are in Phase 2 you will have to deal with huge upheavals that could awaken dormant mental-health problems. The drastic loss in your number of friends is likely to increase feelings of loneliness. If you are used to calling up gay friends for help and support, you may find this support dry up.
Also, sex addiction is an addiction. The sudden cutting out of gay sex, porn, and masturbation is going to be a massive shock to your system. If you are vulnerable to certain problems like depression and anxiety and you have been using sexual pleasure to medicate yourself, you may feel a huge drop in your mental health.
Some of you may also have a drug problem that goes along with the sex. In my case, poppers were a major problem. By the time I quit the gay scene, I had gone about five years of never having sex without doing poppers, and never doing poppers unless I was having sex. Poppers were not as hard to quit as other drugs, but I know how bad it is if the sex and drugs mutually feed each other.
When you talk to your doctor for a checkup, just let him know that you may be interested in a mental-health referral. I am not a doctor so I don't know how to evaluate mental-health needs. I cannot imagine, though, that at this stage it would be good for you to get counseling from a pro-gay or gay professional. Maybe I am wrong. I would just try very hard to convey to the doctor that you want a straight male to talk to, and preferably someone open to traditional worldviews.
3. Clearance for exercise.
You cannot make it out of Phase 2 until you have started on a rigorous exercise plan. You have to do an average of one hour of exercise per day, or 7 hours of hard exercise each week. You want cardio and strength exercise.
You will not make progress on your journey without exercise. So when you talk to the doctor, ask for advice about how to get into a strong exercise regimen. He will also help you with dietary advice and may have good tips on which gyms to join.
Don't let a checkup appointment go to waste
Get all this out of the way first, before you do anything else. This is important!