Tuesday, May 29, 2018

TUESDAY (2) TIP: WHY YOU NEED TO MAKE A PLAN

[MAKE SURE TO READ THIS LINK FIRST IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME VISITING ENGLISH MANIF.]

This post is going to discuss the importance of making a plan. As you break away from the gay scene you have to juggle two conflicting needs.

One need is for you to get up again if you stumble. You may backslide--that is normal. I had backsliding moments. You may break down and have to stop the journey. But you must be flexible enough with yourself that such momentary failures do not derail you.


Another need is for you to know where you are going. Leaving the gay scene for heterosexuality is, I believe, one of the hardest things a man can do in the United States. The hostility will be relentless as will be your internal demons. The churches will not help you very much. Now states like California are legally opposed to your doing what you have set out to do. If you do not have a plan, if you do not embark on this deliberately, you will probably not be able to stay the course. Setbacks will break you, and you will end up on Grindr.

I suggest you give yourself a buffer of ten years. If you are starting today, in 2018, then ask yourself where you want to be in 2028. Just write down a description of the life you want. Now work backwards from that point to now, tracing each step it will take to get there. Be realistic. In 1998, I envisioned that in 2008 I wanted to be a married father and professor. It worked! But I had to make sure to give myself time to get my professional degree and get on the dating market.

This video is a little longer than the others; it weighs in at 12:00. But Tom Littleton is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, and he shares a lot of useful tips about how to come out of a destructive life cycle and find hope. Take a look: