Sunday, May 20, 2018



Happy Sunday! Get out to church. I just want to go over some of the arguments I keep hearing from people who say it is IMPOSSIBLE and WRONG to change your sexual orientation. You may have heard these a million times but I want to remind you why they are wrong.

"I or someone I know tried and it didn't work."

It sounds like it didn't work for you. That could be for any number of reasons. If your goal was unrealistic, that was probably the main reason. You may have wanted to become straight to escape prejudice, when the goal really should have been to learn to stick up for yourself. You may have been frustrated with the gay community, when your goal should have been to enjoy the blessings of being with a woman. You may have wanted total elimination of homosexual thoughts, when your goal should have been to have the addition of thoughts and habits that make you pleasing to a woman you have dedicated your life to. Maybe you wanted to become a promiscuous straight person, which sets you up for disappointment because that's no better than being gay. Maybe you wanted everything to happen overnight, or you have a personality that cannot deal with the ban on masturbation and pornography, or you cannot abstain for long periods of time.

Sexual orientation change is possible and doable if you understand what your goal is, and you commit to reaching it with patience, perseverance, and a servant's heart.

"The thoughts and feelings are just too strong."

If you think about homosexual sex all day long and cannot think of anything else, your problem is that you have an obsession. You are not going to find happiness with that obsession by staying in the gay community and trying to feed it with lots of easily obtainable sex.

"I am happy in the gay community, because I found love and good friends and a satisfying relationship."

I cannot challenge you on that. You're you. You're in a place where you will have very little incentive to change, so this is not a project or website that really goes along with you.

"I hear reports that sexual orientation change causes suicide and depression."

Political activists like to craft language so that trends look like something they are not. The fact is that each of these cases is an individual. As individuals we find ourselves in a situation and have to choose what path we want to follow. For many people who feel unstable and depressed already, they need help to build up their psyche and improve their well-being, apart from any project of sexual orientation change. They needed to strengthen themselves in general before jumping into the stress and difficulty of trying to build a new life as a straight person. Those who feel suicidal and depressed in such a manner are going to face terrible struggles in the gay male community, surrounded by people with rigid beauty standards and high levels of conflict and instability. 

Sexual orientation change means, fundamentally, that you change how you orient your life and you build a new identity for yourself. You have to determine these choices based on sound judgment on your part. You have to go slow and check yourself along the way. If at any time you feel unstable, you need to take care of your emotional state before doing anything else.

"I see examples of ex-gays who went back."

Famous people are defined largely by their fame. They usually do not apply to the lives of ordinary people who are not making everything they do public and making a living off their identity. These examples are people who can tell you little about what will make you happy. We know that God intended you to be with the opposite sex or, if you have no sexual feeling at all, to be alone as a celibate.

"I just have always felt that this is who I am."

I can't change a conviction that deep. You have to go along your path and find some way to be happy with yourself. But it is important not to interfere with other people who want to leave homosexuality. Because if they are on that journey, they also have always felt that they were straight. This is who they are. They want to find themselves. Let them do it and be supportive.

"The thought of women makes me feel disgust."

If this is the case, you have a problem called misogyny. Females are half the population. They are God's children. Their sexuality is part of them. If they repulse you to the core then you are going to have a difficult time dealing with them at work and in your social networks. I cannot help you with this but you need help working through that and overcoming your difficulty with them. Many traits of women that you find disgusting are also shared by a lot of gay men, so you will not escape this problem by staying in the gay community.