[MAKE SURE TO READ THIS LINK FIRST IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME VISITING ENGLISH MANIF.]
Quick note to make sure no ex-gays out there are feeling sorry for themselves. I know this is hard and you may feel like it's unfair life put you in this situation. But you have to treat this whole journey like it's fun. And compared to other people's problems, it is!
I have been contacted by more straight guys than you may imagine. The problem they seem to face is this: as bad as things are for people trying to recover from a gay past, there is very little available to guys who have been sleazy and slept around and now want to settle down with one woman.
It's not what you think! These straight guys are not just whining about nothing or trying to brag by asking us to commiserate with them for having had so much sex that now they are confused.
No really, they are broken and hurt. Because every time you sleep with a woman, you leave a part of yourself with her. I wish I could help these straight guys more than I can. My limitations pose a huge hurdle. Other than kissing and cuddling, I've done nothing heterosexual with anyone other than the woman I married. Literally I have never seen another woman naked in front of me. I have no idea what it is like to have been sexually with tons and tons of females.
For me, the thought of being forced to have sex with a woman other than my wife causes me a mix of terror and nausea. I have never understood how straight guys can go from one woman to another. My view is just that a woman connects so closely to you when you are intimate, it's like so much of yourself is invested in the intimacy. It seems to me like a woman basically hands over the keys to her whole being when she has sex with you. Maybe I'm not making sense--it just seems unthinkable to me that you could do that with one woman and then do it with another woman.
But you see, the way I think actually benefits me in a weird way. Because when I went from gay to straight, I came to straight life with somewhat of a fresh outlook, almost like a virgin. Actually, I was a virgin. Sadly, our brains do need to compartmentalize sometimes and separate things out so we can make sense of whatever has damaged us. For me, everything dirty and sexually shameful was gay and tied to doing dirty things with men. The fact that I had no emotional investment in any of the things I did with men enhances that. So I had the wonderful opportunity, thanks to the grace of God, to put all that negative energy onto my gay past and shoo it away forever. Being with a woman was so different, it allowed me to rediscover myself in a pure, untainted state. I could redeem sexual desire and experience it as a pure good, rather than as something polluting and cruel.
But think about it--what about our poor straight brothers who racked up a serious list of conquests and suddenly realized they were drowning in sleaze? I see this sentiment a little on Roosh's website, Return of Kings, since he has since lamented his own promiscuity. For man-whores, as some call them, there is no way to put aside the sexuality that became degrading and polluted. Nothing about a new woman's body can be as dramatically different as it was for me, when I first found myself in the arms of a woman and felt that excitement of knowing what I was about to do. For me, everything was new and unfamiliar, but I felt safe doing it. I could see we had a strong mutual attraction so I could start a new life over, having the best of both worlds: the thrill of what is new and the guarantee that I won't have it taken away from me.
Perhaps very promiscuous straight men and gay men are really the same thing, just with different outward manifestations. When I listen to promiscuous straight men talk about sleeping with women, they describe females in a way that sounds like the interior voice in my head when I found myself disgusted with everything I did in the gay world. It seems like after a man has been with enough women, if they are pretty or ugly, gorgeous or out of shape, they all start to disgust him equally. He starts to feel like all sex is pornographic and masturbatory, but he has passed a point of no return and cannot go back to watching porn because he has become addicted to the physical contact.
I know more of these straight guys nowadays. They contact me sometimes because of the work I am doing here on English Manif. This goes to explain why I try to tell guys on the journey to go slow with women, and not to try to be a stud. If you are healing from what you did to yourself in the gay world, you want to keep the world of women as pristine and unsullied as you can. You want to find exile somewhere untainted, in the arms of a woman you can please and satisfy without worrying that the act is something discardable, forgettable, just a mindless repetition of what you've done before and will do again.
I don't have the bandwidth or brainwaves to understand the plight of the repentant womanizer. How does he unload all the negative things he associates with sex? Does he have to become a homosexual? I doubt it. I think the gay scene is given to so much detachment and emptiness, it would make his plight worse. But I wonder how such a straight man can carry his bride into the honeymoon suite and feel the newness and exhilaration that we get to feel, those of us who left the gay scene and came into straight life with zero or very few past female partners. What would scare me the most would be the feeling that you would be making love to someone knowing that you've done this to other women and then left them. It would kill my confidence and trust in my own motives and abilities.
So as you move ahead in this journey, remember, ex-gays, do not feel sorry for yourselves. People out there have it much worse, even when you think they have it easy.