Tuesday, May 15, 2018

EX-GAY TIP FOR TUESDAY: ON REJECTING EUNUCH STATUS

Since as early as the days of Roman playwright Terence, advanced cultures have loved eunuchs. Ancient noblemen gathered them in their courts and they guarded harems, quite often becoming the advisers of powerful women like Jezebel.

A eunuch was a castrated man who could be tasked with important administrative work and intellectual labor, but who posed no physical threat because his castration had stunted his muscular growth.

Eunuchs had almost a mystical appeal to people because they seemed otherworldly, being neither male nor female. Jesus Christ does refer to eunuchs in Matthew 19 during his discussion of marriage. When arguing with observant Jews about the role of divorce, Christ says that if men cannot accept the definition of marriage as one man and one woman in an indissoluble union, they should become eunuchs. Christ also mentions that some eunuchs are "born that way in their mothers' wombs." Interpreters can argue about whether Jesus was using humor or whether he actually believed some men were born as eunuchs, however he intended the term.

While the barbaric practices of eunuch culture disappeared at one point, they are back in our day. The trans movement is literally advocating for the castration of millions of men. And the resulting "trans women" have a fashionable status similar to the eunuchs of days past. Feminists are not interested in trans women as much as the latter may have hoped, but there are many woman-focused environments where trans women are celebrated with special enthusiasm.

But the trans movement is small compared to the much larger class of modern eunuchs, gay men. The explosion of the LGBT movement went hand in hand with the cultural trends that almost called for a return of the eunuch class: Highly emasculated professions, women prompted by feminism to be terrified of sex, conservatives looking for a counternarrative against the hypersexualized males of porn, and a culture of skittishness that demanded a class of men who could be competent without posing an immediate sexual threat to women.




The fact that gay men can pose a sexual threat to males has never inspired much discussion. People ignore this fact or claim it is not true, regardless of mountains of evidence. Underlying the discussion of sexual molestation is the larger assumption on both left and right that victimized men are shameful or weak. Males who have been molested by males can find power by embracing their eunuch status and turning what happened to them into a status symbol. If they try to cry out against what happened to them without proclaiming that they are now eunuchs, they invite massive backlash from people who see them as perverted straight men rather than as gay men standing up to prejudice.

Once you figure out that gay men are today's eunuchs a lot of our culture makes sense. The left loves gay men because a straight alpha male is usually in charge and the eunuchs in his left-wing court are there to work in the alpha's interests without threatening the alpha's masculine position. People like Jerry Brown and Andrew Cuomo love to be pro-gay straight men. It gives them an army of eunuchs as helpful as a pack of Dobermans, and as loyal.

Many women love gay men because they need eunuchs to run errands for them and flatter them without posing the threat of sexual power to them. As I have pointed out in past essays, when you make love to a woman you gain tremendous power over her, which I think you should use for good and not for bad. My theory is that most of our sexual ethos is built on a falsehood--women desire sex more than men do, actually. Because of this (this is just my theory) during lovemaking women are more affected by sex and lose control over their relationship, while men are still clear-headed during sex and gain control over the relationship. I could be wrong, and I have only been with one woman. But I observe this dynamic everywhere. Women enjoy tremendous power over men up until the time when they have sex, at which point women come increasingly under a man's authority simply because most men can control the emotions of pleasure more than most women can.

Smart women figure this out at some point. They know that their ideal configuration for social success is to have one powerful, trustworthy male, who can give her sexual pleasure without abusing his power over her, and then to have various eunuchs who can be friends, minions, and confidants without ever exercising the power over her that a man does, when he makes love to her.

As an ex-gay man, I realized that our situation differs markedly from that of ex-lesbians or of celibate gays. When we were gay, we did the bidding of powerful people without realizing it. We were part of today's eunuch class: funny, entertaining, colorful, witty, productive, but utterly non-threatening. Liberals and conservatives both have their eunuchs. As eunuchs we did not pose competition to other males and females did not worry about us gaining the power over them that men are able to acquire through the pleasure of intercourse.

When you are ex-gay, male, and not celibate, you have to expect a certain amount of resistance, even backlash, from people around you. You are defying their expectations. You are threatening them. Men who thought you were a helpful eunuch now slowly see you as competition and seek to crush you. Women who thought you were a helpful eunuch now confront the fact that you have the masculine power to give pleasure to a woman, which women know also makes possible that you will abuse the power you could gain by causing a woman to lose her clear-headedness, as women often do when they fall in love.

But if you are going to succeed as an ex-gay man, you have to resist all attempts to reinstate your eunuch status on you. Liberals will try to do this by insisting that you are gay. Conservatives will try to do this by insisting that you should be celibate and not pursue females. Be ready for both forms of backlash. Here are some simple tips.

1. Don't hide things. Eunuchs were prized because they knew everyone's secrets. Subterfuge and blackmail are the tools of eunuchs. Straight men strive for what they want. They apologize for things they did wrong. They confess publicly to errors. They offer witness to their past and share with others the means by which they overcame it. When people want you to be more discreet, more private, more understated, in certain ways they are trying to put you back in eunuch status.

2. Embrace your sexual self. This is more of an internal tack than an external one. You should be chaste because chastity is good for everyone. But do not let people scare you away from sex in general. Wherever you are in your journey from gay to straight, your future will not involve homosexuality but will likely involve sex with a woman -- more sex with your wife, or if you are not married yet, sex with a woman you have not had sex with yet. Straight men deal with tremendous hostility over their sexual urges, since feminists and moralists both cast their masculine energy as a bad thing. The goal of your journey is to become straight, so deal with things that straight men deal with. Tell yourself each day, your urges are healthy. It is good that your body longs to feel another body close by, even if you cannot fulfill that longing yet. When you feel "horny" you do not have to react by trying to make yourself completely asexual. You have a goal in mind: making love to your wife. She needs you to be sexual.

3. Be a gentleman. Eunuchs were actually not exactly gentlemen. Many of them seem to have been conniving, scheming little jerks throughout history. A gentleman is actually brave and straightforward. Most importantly, a gentleman is in control of his sexual self. He is neither suppressing it nor surrendering to it. In relation to a woman, a gentlemanly ethos is what can allow a man to gain more power as the woman experiences more pleasure. If you are not in control of sexual pleasure, then you may not be pleasing your wife, or your wife may be manipulating you because she sees you want sex more than she does. Gentlemen are full of normal virility but deliberate and cool-headed about what they do with it.

4. Make peace with your private parts. English Manif has already written that an ex-gay man will have to reduce his masturbation to near abstinence, and will have to eliminate porn from his life. Be realistic with yourself about what this does to your private parts. Your body is producing a lot of hormones that are building up and causing massive sexual tension, and your genitalia are the part of the body that feels all the pressure. It is a cliche but it is true that your genitals have a mind of their own, and they will frustrate you on this journey. With both porn and masturbation gone, you will have strange reactions and may have difficulty falling asleep. It is important not to seek consolation by doing things that will reimpose your eunuch status. Part of you may want, at certain times, to get rid of the pressure that your genitals are placing on you, but if you start masturbating a lot, then this will tilt you back toward porn, which will likely turn you into a backslider. You will be back in the gay world with the eunuchs. The timeless appeal of the eunuch to others was the very thing that made the eunuch's life so tragic. His castrated status gave him special access to people in power but kept him powerless. That is what backsliding will entail for you, if you cannot make peace with your private parts.

5. Use your energy to move closer to your goal. Wherever you are on the journey from gay to straight, be mindful of the difference between forward and backward steps. Backward steps are actions, thoughts, or situations that take you farther away from the goal of having a wife and making love to her. If you are moving away from that goal you are backsliding. When you feel a lot of pent-up sexual energy, try hard to muster it to doing activities that are going to get to your goal. Get out of the house and go to an event where there might be single girls. Strike up a conversation and chat. Work out. Go to the library and check out some books that might stimulate your mind. Who knows? You might meet a woman at the library. Eunuchs do not have the energy building up in you. If you don't like the energy, you can always go back to being gay. But you are not a backslider, so you won't do that.

6. Accept celibacy if you feel truly called, but do not accept it if you are just trying to gain eunuch points. There are many who want to put forward celibacy as a viable path for ex-gays. It is true Paul referred to people who could serve the church without being married. But those called to celibacy are people who have the gift of non-desire--they are people who can serve God without "burning." If you burn with desire, God has chosen you to be with a woman so your desire can do good for her. Some people really can do celibacy, but if you are masturbating and feeling turned on during the day and getting erections and thinking about men, you are not called to be celibate. You are burning and you need to marry, because it is better to marry than to burn. Your celibacy status is really eunuch status and your chances of backsliding are very high. So check yourself.