Thursday, May 17, 2018

EX-GAY TIP FOR FRIDAY: HOW TO SUPPORT CELIBATE GAYS WITHOUT FALLING INTO AN LGBT POLITICAL TRAP

Okay, sorry to do politics for Friday. But I have to get this one quick point out there!

--------------------------------------------------------

Be wary of the "mix & match" trick with same-sex-attracted Christianity

Robert Oscar Lopez

The LGBT lobby has sympathetic promoters everywhere in society including in our most conservative churches. I see that some of our Christian leaders have to learn about a trick used by many of these well-funded groups. I call it the "mix & match" trick.

What is the "mix & match" trick?

It is almost like bait & switch but a little more subtle. Whatever agenda you are pushing, you mix your true goal with some other goal that is somewhat related, and quite likely desirable, but less likely to alarm people. You get people to sign on to what you are pushing, as a package, and then as soon as that happens, you run with the thing you were really pushing.

So for example, remember gay parenting? That was all the rage a few years ago. There were sympathetic cases nobody could really reject outright, such as abused children in foster care whom nobody but a gay couple wanted to adopt. Then there were babies bought from surrogate mothers treated like slaves in Mexico. The LGBTs used the sympathetic cases to get everyone to sign on to gay parenting. Then as soon as the coast was clear, they skipped over the orphanages and went straight to their own contracts with surrogate mothers for designer babies.

Now with "same-sex-attracted" Christianity, we see a very similar dynamic. And you have to take note.

I notice that a lot of people pushing greater flourishing for LGBT people in the church are saying that LGBT people can live Biblical lives, either celibate or in marriages.

This may seem rather harmless. But beware. If you get to the bottom of who is funding and pushing LGBT Christianity, they do not want gay Christians to get into straight marriages. That is basically conversion therapy which they have gotten Christian churches to denounce. People who say they are LGBT but in faithful marriages to the opposite sex are, I presume, playing some coy game with labels that serves no real purpose other than to advance other people in the LGBT movement. If you are a man married to a woman and you have sex only with her and you love her and do it on a regular basis, you are straight. Any talk of SSA or LGBT is kind of a career move at that point--I'm not judging, just saying.

So what do LGBTs want?

They want, ultimately, churches to remove the ban on homosexuality. The key constituency they need to push this forward is not the LGBTs married to the opposite sex but the LGBTs who say they are celibate. LGBTs who say they will stay gay but celibate or who say they will have spiritual friendship arrangements are much more useful for the LGBT movement. It is impossible to confirm that the person's really celibate.

Also, celibate gays can easily and swiftly declare they are no longer committed to celibacy, since they do not have a spouse as an obstacle. This has happened repeatedly.

So observe the "mix & match" game going on here. I am married to a female. Lately I am comfortable saying I am basically straight, since that's the most honest reflection of where I am right now. When you have a wife and you love her the drifting thoughts of other things fade in importance and have very little impact. But yes, I have a gay past.

Let's talk about someone who is ex-gay and celibate, and someone I respect very much -- Joseph Sciambra. He is a great guy doing great work on his blog. I recommend it. But he and I are in totally different situations. Depending on how you look at it, either could be seen as the one with a harder situation. He can live on his own and does not have to manage the demands of a wife, but he does not get to have sex. Then again, Joseph must find the strength in himself to stop himself from relapsing. Because I have a wife and children, I have real disincentives and obstacles that make it much easier for me to resist temptation.

These situations are very different. If someone needs advice about how to be celibate, he should not try to follow my blog. If someone needs help building up confidence to date women and gain sexual experience, then sure, my blog would probably be helpful.

If Joseph Sciambra and I collaborated on a project, it would be good and probably helpful because neither of us is trying to play underhanded games.

But the "mix & match" is dangerous if done by people who have a possible ulterior motive, which I think is underlying some recent initiatives.

If the LGBT lobby puts forward the gays-married-to-the-opposite-sex and the celibate gays in the same package, then there is a possible trap. The gays married to the opposite sex are not really gay, they are straight. But the fact that they still say they are gay allows the LGBT lobby to say that sexual orientation cannot be changed, which then justifies people who say they are gay, want to remain gay, and will never change.

The latter group of die-hard gays spans two very different communities: those who are celibate, and those who are practicing homosexuals. The practicing homosexuals are, for the time being, not welcome in the orthodox Christian world.

But they will be.

Here's how: The celibate gays get into churches through the mix & match, tag-teaming with people who became straight but who claim that sexual orientation change is impossible and they are really just gays married to the opposite sex.

Once the celibate gays are in, they bring their friends. After several years, they tell the churches that the churches already, by virtue of letting them in, acknowledged that their desires were okay. So now it is time to say that the actions are okay. And then now it is time to bring the practicing gays in.

See, this is very very tricky. Because I have no hostility to celibate gays and want to support them. But I think it is important not to mix our missions together. The confusion between their constituency and people like me comes with certain risks. Celibate gays could very well still be gay, but someone who was gay and is now in a loving marriage with the opposite sex has become straight, whatever label people want to use. So one group undermines the idea that sexual orientation can change while the other group upholds the idea that sexual orientation can change.

When you are dealing with LGBT activists, remember that everything they do is strategic and political. What has raised my antenna here is the fact that they keep throwing out these catch phrases about how same-sex-attracted Christians can live Biblical lives, either as celibates or as married people. Why yoke these two together so many times? They are actually living completely different realities reflecting two different identities.

And why are people in high-profile positions saying they are gay but in a loving marriage to the opposite sex? You are bisexual or straight, but really straight. One thing you are not is gay. The only reason to have these people out there saying this is so that you can reinforce the doctrine that sexual orientation is impossible to change. Straight people in these marriages might have any number of personal reasons for continuing to say they are gay, but objectively this is not what they are.

The real goal, hidden in all this, is to strengthen the idea that sexual orientation cannot change so that gay people can come into the church, stay gay, refuse to change, and then eventually demand that they be encouraged to engage in gay sex. That is the progression of how things have happened, for instance, in the Anglican church.

Mix & match. Beware.