In the early weeks of May, 2016, I did something I am not proud of. In fact, I feel I should confess my sin before God.
The sin I committed was cowardice.
The famous lines from Joshua ring true: "Be strong and courageous." It is okay to feel fear but wrong to let it cripple you, for a very simple reason. If you are a believer, you have to submit to Christ with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. God will be with you if you believe. So cowardice is a lack of love for God. I was guilty of exactly that in May, 2016.
I had fought for eight years in a terrible job in Los Angeles, surrounded by what I knew was spiritual warfare. There were demons at every turn. But it was a battle God had called me to. There were people all around the world who had heard of my plight, because I had published hundreds of articles and several books. They were praying for me. One petition for me on CitizenGo had 13,000 signatures alone. This isn't as many as a celebrity getting 50 million followers on Twitter, but thirteen thousand people took the time to rally behind me. These were God's people. They were the flock entrusted to me. The Bible tells us, through many means, that we have to stay with the flock God gave us, not wander off looking for a better, bigger, or richer flock.
On May 11, I walked into the office of Provost Yi Li, and tried to assert myself. But I got tongue-tied. I knew what to say, because I could feel God's guidance in my case. But the provost surprised me by telling me he knew I had a job offer starting August 1. This was a power play, to show me that he had access to information about me, I was being watched, and I would never know how deep his surveillance went. He wanted me most of all to leave campus and drop the many complaints I had against California State University.
I asked to speak with my union representative and did not push my case hard enough. I filed a complaint with the Equity and Diversity Office, which I knew would go nowhere. The Title IX investigator, Alexandra Pursley, told me point-blank that she would not, as a matter of procedure, investigate her own boss, Susan Hua. This meant that the complaint would not tread on any part of the complicated action against me over a conference I held at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library on October 3, 2014; this action was the key to revealing, exposing, and punishing the people who violated many of my rights and the procedures of their own system to smear me as a discriminatory teacher.
I should not have signed the separation form brought to me on June 6. I should have played mental chess and held fast for just long enough to deliver a serious counterblow to the pro-homosexual agitators who were trying to squelch my defense of Biblical sexuality. There were many people who would have benefited from a longer, more thorough, and more tenacious process. But I was scared. I worried most of all that they were going to frame me for something heinous that I would have to run many risks to disprove. I wanted to get out and move on with my life.
But if I had not fallen to cowardice, I would have stuck it out and not rushed to get out of my office. My students, other Christians, blacks and Latinos needed me to stick with the fight and expose the corruption behind what was happening. But I was scared that if I kept fighting with all my might, I might not be able to prevail; I might lose my composure, I might falter, I might decide I was wrong, I might fall into despair, I might jeopardize my family. In other words, I did not trust in Jesus Christ to see me through.
It was a serious sin I committed. I left with only the complaint filed, which I knew would not result in anything. And I continued to write about my experience in California, but I wanted a rest. So many people who had rallied behind me expecting me to fight the state's powers for Christ were let down by how I handled the transition. Most are kind, telling me they understand. But I know that God expected my total faith, and I was a coward.
Roy Moore finds himself now in a similar situation. He has been declared the loser in a race for an Alabama Senate seat. His liberal haters are rejoicing and declaring victory while many conservatives either wanted him to lose or now feel he should move on and let the nightmare of 2017 recede.
But to Roy Moore, I say, "Sir, you have won the support and esteem of many. You must expose the very core of the networks who lied about you, intimidated your supporters, and likely defrauded some of the ballot counting."
Fight on. Christ loves Roy Moore, even with all his flaws. And Christ loves fighters, because to stare down danger, you have to be willing to place all your hope, faith, and love in Jesus; you have to be strong enough to endure the dark moments until you reach the finish line.
Fight on, Mr. Moore. Fight for investigations. Fight for recounts. Don't shut up. We need to get to the bottom of what happened in this special election. And everyone is at risk of frauds, slanders, and abuse in the future if people are allowed to cover up what they did.