Sunday, December 8, 2013

La Joie de Vivre 1:6 -- the Unbearable Sleaziness of Being (a Gay Man)

In this edition of La Joie de Vivre, I must warn the reader that recent events require that I speak the language of gay men -- it is a crude, shocking, and indelicate language.  I must do this to explain the shift that occurred in my own political position over the last week, a shift resulting from the clear signs that aspects of gay culture -- pederasty, exploitation, callousness -- which I formerly viewed as marginal or non-representative, have revealed themselves to be central to the modern gay male identity, as explained directly by Michelangelo Signorile, longstanding gay leader and columnist for the Huffington Post.  I agree with Mr. Signorile wholeheartedly when he says that one cannot be fully "pro-gay" in the modern sense without accepting what he calls "intergenerational sex." While I believe in the dignity of gay and bisexual men, I cannot class myself as "pro-gay" under these demands; I am grateful that Mr. Signorile has provided, at last, an honest definition of what "pro-gay" means, rather than relying on obfuscations and euphemisms. The basic precepts of gay male politics in our times require that we, in order to satisfy the central aims of the ligbitist movement, liberate the innate homosexual attraction to pederasty, going all the way back to antiquity. Therefore, this community is by its nature ill-equipped to be tasked with mentoring, raising, or tending to children in unsupervised, vulnerable conditions.

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I have to thank Michelangelo Signorile and other gay writers who have come forward in the Huffington Post, and elsewhere, in response to the discussion of Dustin Lance Black's relationship with a nineteen-year-old boy. After decades of false pretenses, they have at last come clean with the American public, and admitted that the gay movement cannot succeed unless taboos against man-boy sex are at last knocked down. 

I had tiptoed around the issue until this week. I had been attacked as "anti-equality" and "anti-gay" for over a year, even without bringing up what I knew about the rampant pederasty (sex between men and teenagers, as opposed to pedophilia, which is sex between men and children.) Even as my defense of children's rights made me vulnerable to charges of conspiring with evil homophobic rubes, I was holding back an even more difficult dimension of my opposition to same-sex parenting.

I had known that beneath the appeals to gay "normalcy," there was an underbelly in the gay male world, of men sleeping with boys. 

I avoided mentioning this when I testified in St. Paul, Paris, and Brussels. Nonetheless I had engaged in the debate about same-sex parenting with the unspoken suspicion that many gay male couples, if given the chance to be foster parents or adoptive fathers, would end up having sex with boys in their care, or exposing their charges (both boys and girls) to a gay male culture that trampled on the generally understood prohibition against old people sleeping with vulnerable young people. 

The result, I feared, would mirror many of the negative impacts on gay boys that have occurred as a result of "It Gets Better," the Gay-Straight Alliances in high schools, sexualized curriculum, online gay sites like Chatroulette and TrevorSpace (not to mention the creeps on Craigslist), and gay mentorship programs. These public policy projects have blossomed over the last twenty-five years in the United States, with the best of intentions -- to keep gay boys from killing themselves out of despair.

As it turns out, gay boys don't usually kill themselves simply because people reject them for being gay. The vast majority of people really don't care what anybody does in their private sex life, which is why Dayna Morales, the tragic lesbian waitress in New Jersey, had to fabricate the tale of homophobic patrons stiffing her on a tip. 

Homophobia is far less powerful than the reigning callousness and indifference of society to what's going on with other people, really. So gay boys are far more likely to kill themselves, not because people care about their gayness and hate them for it, but rather, because most people don't care about their gayness at all, other than horny gay men who are much older than they and fuck them up the ass when they aren't ready to deal with the emotional mine field of homosexuality.

All these naive programs placed boys in contact with adult gay men based on the assumption that the gay adults wouldn't end up using such arrangements to corner boys and sodomize them. That assumption was criminally negligent.

I speak crudely because, as the statistics from the Department of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control reveal, the end result of many such gay mentor programs has been many adults inserting their penises into boys' anuses. Hence there has been a spike in the HIV infection rate of boys aged 13-19, of which 95% result from unprotected anal sex. Studies into HIV infection rates among black gay men reveal that blacks are infected with HIV at an exorbitant rate because they, of all the races, are most likely to be engaged in relationships with males much older or much younger than they are. Black gays do not engage in higher rates of unprotected sex, nor do they have unusually high or risky numbers of sex partners. Rather, their Achilles' heel is their greater penchant for what Mr. Signorile lovingly calls "intergenerational" sex. 

One of the top indicators of HIV infection risk is a tendency to date much older or much younger than oneself, and this makes sense for a basic reason: the kind of men who disregard the taboo against men fucking boys will usually also disregard other ethical limitations to their gratification, seeing limits as unfair or prejudiced. Condoms disappear somewhere in the confusion -- and no, making people feel less guilty about doing something doesn't make what they do safer, as the recent statistics shockingly tell us.

Let's forget HIV for an instant, however, and the overall issues of sexually transmitted diseases. What if there were no STDs at all to be spread from older men to boys through anal and oral sex?

There is still tremendous emotional vulnerability in a boy who is considering gay sex, which isn't there with girls or boys who are 100% straight. A boy who starts getting fucked by men finds his whole future rewritten -- it is not only an event dealing with one particular partner, but rather, a foundational shift in his imagined future. He will be in the gay community, living by its rules. Once an old man's penis finds its way into the boy's anus, the boy has to redefine his life goals, envision a future without women, without children, without access to the cultural mainstays enjoyed by the 99% of the world that isn't gay and male. He must picture spending his time in the constricted, tiny circle of gay bars, gay associations, and gay cliques, looking for love in a tiny, somewhat incestuous pool of familiar local characters; gay men who will flit in and out of his life, vanishing without a morning call-back one year and then popping up two years later on the arm of his best friend. 

There is also the sheer physical change that happens when you are a boy and you first start letting men fuck you. It's painful. You are being taught how to mix pain and pleasure, which increases the likelihood that you're going to develop masochistic behaviors. You feel like a different person. As someone who got fucked by a lot of men in their forties and fifties when I was a teenage boy, I speak from real, extensive experience.

So when you, as a grown man, fuck a boy, you are inflicting a host of potential anxieties on him. You are throwing his masculinity and sexual identity in doubt. You are forcing him to picture himself growing old and dying without having a wife and children, without giving his parents a daughter-in-law and grandchildren -- being stuck in a claustrophobic world full of flaky and sleazy men. 

The recent statistics from many sources all seem to confirm that man-boy sex is a rampant problem in the gay community, and it's destroying people's lives. The Department of Justice found that gay teens are much more likely to be in physically abusive relationships, not to mention emotionally abusive relationships, with one of the key factors the fact that they are involved, so often, in unstable sexual liaisons with men much older than they are. While the report included a statement about the lack of "role models" for gay teens, we must extrapolate a deeper problem that straight researchers might not be able to piece together. Gay teens have role models, but the role models are fucking them. That messes up their heads.

Many of the recent cases involving gay foster dads or gay mentors who sexually abused boys do not reflect a sinister, evil psychology in the adult gay male, but rather a frighteningly innocent belief on the part of the adult that the youth wanted to get fucked and somehow fucking him was part of helping him. 

Walter L. Williams, the founder of USC's Gay and Lesbian Archives, got caught in sex traffic with underage boys in the Philippines and elsewhere, after decades of writing in favor of more open attitudes toward sexuality. He most likely thought that he was doing something benevolent by fucking boys. He had been, after all, a veritable father figure to gay college students for years.

Mark Newton, who manufactured a baby with an illegal Russian surrogate, and then used the child he bought as an international sex slave, said it was an "honor" to have been a gay father, as he was sentenced and sent off to prison. He was profiled by Australia's ABC in 2010 as the idyllic example of same-sex parenting, beneath a headline, "Two Dads Are Better than One." He and his husband, Peter Truong, probably felt that the toddler was experiencing pleasure with penises in his mouth, since the experience was pleasant for the adult getting a blow job.

There is a failure of ego differentiation in many of these cases (of which these are only a sliver.) The gay male adult, fed a steady diet of LGBT narratives about people being born gay and deserving sexual gratification as a civil right, cannot comprehend that what they believe and feel isn't exactly the same as what the child is believing and feeling. Since so much argumentation about gay parenting has hinged on the notion of "gay couples providing a loving home," many gay adults charged with youths get lost in the nebulous meaning of "loving." They have been prompted to believe that if what they do to young people comes from affectionate motives, it's good. Which is a very convenient way to talk oneself into fucking a boy, unfortunately.

I am sure that Dan Savage felt that he was helping young boys with "It Gets Better," though it seems that the tens of thousands of testimonials from adult gays merely encouraged boys to go out and get fucked up the ass by older men, with the result that now a lot of them are going to die from AIDs.

And then think of Caleb Laieski, the teen activist honored by President Obama, who helped a fortysomething gay policeman score with a fourteen-year-old boy who was questioning his sexuality. As Caleb and his adult conspirator prepare to go off to prison as well, I cannot say that they were ill intended. He and the gay policemen were leaders in the gay community and thought they were helping the fourteen-year-old by breaking him in. Unfortunately for them, the boy got suicidal and exposed the entire activist game as a terrible exploitative ruse.

While neither Michael Jackson nor Jerry Sandusky identified as gay, it is worth noting that they both also viewed their suspicious congress with boys as part of nurturing and affection.

These abhorrent data result from the gay movement's uncritical celebration of the penis and its supposed liberating power. Your penis is not an instrument of charity, gentlemen. Your penis is a loaded weapon. You must understand that.

Mr. Signorile speaks of intergenerational sex as "nurturing" and educational. His views on this reveal that the modern gay male has little to no concept of nurturing and educational relationships, except when such connections involve inserting their penises into people and ejaculating into them. 

It's bad enough that relationships between gay male adults have to be hypersexualized. When your beginning mindset is, "I can help and coddle this young boy, and fuck him too," and you see nothing wrong with this, in fact believing that any resistance to it is based on homophobia (as Mr. Signorile has written in stark terms), you may be qualified to lead the gay community in developing its imagination, its fantasies, its sense of self-actualization. But you should not have custody of children, teenagers, or young adults. You should not be asking the American people to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell and then place millions of future 18-year-olds in basic combat training under gay NCOs who think this way. You should not be asking the American people to allow gay leaders in the Boy Scouts. You definitely should not be listed as a potential foster care home, let alone candidates for adoption. 

The response from Mr. Signorile that the 19-year-old in the Dustin Lance Black case was a "consenting adult" makes it all the more urgent that the American people reject the ligbitist push to change laws about adoption, employment non-discrimination, and the like. Mr. Signorile, like most in the movement, believes that anything legal is okay. It shouldn't be surprising that they are therefore so interested in changing laws to make more of the sleazy things they do legal.

I didn't arrive at these harsh declarations because I hated gay people, because I am part of the gay community and have a deep abiding love for my gay brothers; I got here because I love young people and understand that it's better that gay men don't try to fuck them, which they will, if given the chance. That scares me.

As a professor, I live and operate with the understanding that people in a seasoned, mature, mentor-like role must express love toward those who are in the learning, young, and undeveloped role, without unzipping our pants and getting our penises involved. As a father, I live and operate with the understanding that my daughter should go forth in the world and be mentored by adults who can differentiate between teaching her about professional life, etc., and involving her in the fraught act of sexual intercourse. As a veteran of the US Army Reserves (as undistinguished as my service admittedly was), I live and operate with the understanding that training and discipline do not mix well with orgasms and erections and ejaculation. 

These are all understandings -- norms, if you will -- that an adult entrusted with children has to walk around with. It has to be second nature. It must be something beyond question, beyond editorial review, beyond negotiation. While women face this issue, it is even more acutely an issue for men, who have a long history, and perhaps biological predisposition, to inject their penis into situations and confuse their own quest for pleasure with their obligation to teach, mentor, and guide young people. 

Heterosexual men who defy these rules with girls are subject to swift recrimination, even if they get away with it because it's supposedly "legal." Colleagues of mine who have violated the sacred sexual barrier between teacher and student, and made love to their pupils, have lost tremendous respect, from me and especially from females in the profession. Non-commissioned officers or officers who sleep with female subordinates are subject to severe penalties in the military. Think of what happened to Bill Clinton and David Petraeus as a result of their inability to manage their penises properly in the presence of younger forbidden fruit.

Dustin Lance Black is thirty-nine years old and almost the same age as his boyfriend's father when the latter passed away recently. Judging from what the boy said in the video, and what others have reported as information gleaned from people close to him, he looked up to Dustin Lance Black and wanted to learn from him, be mentored, be held and fathered by him. It's entirely possible that the boy broached the topic of sex and wanted the older man to teach him about homosexual intercourse--as a professor, trust me, I am familiar with how 19-year-olds can be sexually aggressive, even demanding that a relationship that should be based on mentorship turn into sex. When I say that our penises are loaded weapons, I do not mean to say that the "victims" of gay penises aren't sometimes eager to have access to them. But the adult in the room has to be able to say "no," tell the college freshman to calm down, and keep his zipper up and his penis under lock and key. That's part of being a grown-up. If you can't say "no" to a young person who wants to take a look at your penis, you have no business trying to pass the Every Child Deserves a Family Act.