Thursday, June 21, 2018

THURSDAY (2): DELIBERATE WEIGHT GAIN

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I mentioned earlier that I know almost nothing about how to gain weight intentionally. I've never had to struggle to put on weight in my life! But I know many people in the ex-gay community actually face a struggle putting weight on. This becomes difficult because gay men value extreme thinness while women generally do not. 

I found a friend who is very well versed in how to gain weight, since he had to go from 140 to 215. He points out the following bullet points, which play out in the video below:

THURSDAY: 10 DATING TIPS

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Women are politely asked not to read this post.

So now, in Part 4, we have to go over what an ex-gay man might do during the period of "dating," which is basically an intense hunting period where he is looking for the one woman he is going to have as a lifelong companion. This period is full of uncertainty, since it might last only a few months, years, or more than a decade, depending on luck and the ex-gay man's own patience and perseverance. 

What follows below the break is the full extent of everything I know about dating. I am just one guy and much of what I say should be taken as possible ideas, but taken with a grain of salt. Please watch the two-minute video below before clicking to continue. Thanks!




Wednesday, June 20, 2018

WEDNESDAY TIP: INTRO TO THE DATING PHASE

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As promised, Phase 4 now starts! We will be covering dating, when you go out and finally meet girls.

In this intro video I explain the challenges I face in trying to help guys with this. I am old school and unfamiliar with online dating, for instance.

But three things to keep in mind: plan, purpose, style.

Monday, June 18, 2018

MONDAY TIP: GOODBYE TO THE CLEARANCE LIST!!

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Remember the Clearance List that allows you to get past Phase 3! It is important not to jump into dating too soon. So this hiding period in Phase 3 is not to be taken lightly! Here is your checklist to be "cleared for dating":

1. Is your living arrangement safe and well-kept?


Check this off if you have a good living arrangement as discussed in this post


2. Are you off social media?


Check this off if you have followed the guidelines about social media in this post.


3. Are your physique and grooming right for dating women?


Check this off if you are no more than 5-10 pounds below your ideal body mass or you are no more than 30-35 pounds above your ideal body mass. To check this off you should also have gone through your grooming standards as discussed in this post.


4. Is your job stable?


Check this off if you have held down a job, course of study, charitable pursuit, or creative art for at least two years straight. Consult this post.


5. Are you ready to become a father if you and a woman you are dating lose your caution and move too fast?


Check this off if you have prayed or meditated on accidental fatherhood as discussed in this post


6. How is your concentration? Are you able to pay attention to what people say and listen without your mind drifting off?


Check this off if you have passed two bimonthly checks on listening in a row, as discussed in this post.


7. Do you have a track record of sticking with your game plan for life?


Check this off if you have at least $1000 in the bank as discussed in this post and you can honestly say you have not had much backsliding during Phase 3.


8. How is your overall confidence and ability to handle rejection or hostility?


Check this off if you can say you feel confident and you are able to deal with rejection. The video below provides one self-testing exercise, which involves purposefully submitting applications for things and forcing yourself to read rejection letters, etc. 


9. Is your car in good shape?


Check this off if you have a car and it looks decent. Watch the video below for more details!


10. Have you been able to go without watching any porn and with near-abstinence of masturbation (at least 90-180 days between times you masturbate) for a healthy period of time?


If you have made it through the last 180 days masturbating no more than twice and you have not watched any pornography at all, you can check this off.


If you can check off all ten, then congratulations, scout! You are cleared for dating. Tune in this week as we embark on Phase 4, DATING!


Sunday, June 17, 2018

SUNDAY TIP: FATHER'S DAY IS THE DAY TO REMEMBER WHY THIS JOURNEY IS SO IMPORTANT

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Father's Day is a fraught day for many men with gay pasts. Many of us had difficult relationships with our own fathers. And many of us felt turmoil because our own sexual desires, at one point, vexed our inner urge to become a father.

On this Father's Day, no matter which phase you are in, in your journey, remember you are doing the right thing. The urge to become a father is a natural urge, far more God-given and innate than any sexual orientation. If you embarked on the journey from gay to straight because you felt a powerful call to fatherhood, remind yourself that this is good. This is often how God works on us. 

If you want to be a father, you must also feel called to be a good father. As a father you must follow the cue of our father in Heaven, after all. It is crucial that you set aside the propaganda in our society that justifies gay male couples raising children.

Be humane to children raised by gay men, because they did not choose to be placed in such a dilemma. But understand with clarity that it is wrong to separate a child unnecessarily from his mother. It is wrong to deny a child the experience of having a mother. It is wrong to force a child to respect a second male who is not a biological parent as a "second father," because the child's love and obedience to such a person are unnatural burdens and cause the child confusion and distress.


Lastly, it is wrong to deny a child the chance to grow up seeing a man and woman love each other.

So if you are in Phase 1, reflect upon Father's Day and consider the heavy weight that fatherhood bears in your calculations as to whether you want to go straight.

If you are in Phase 2, reflect upon Father's Day and remember that you cannot build yourself up to court women, until you have cut ties with the gay community and your old gay self has withered away.

If you are in Phase 3, reflect upon Father's Day and remember that you have to be marriageable and worthy as a mate to find a wife, so you must go through this period of self-improvement. Otherwise you will not become a father.

If you are in Phase 4, remember that you want to be a father, but in the right way. You need to find a good woman to be mother to your children, so the dating period is a period that matters a great deal. Go about courtship with purpose and anticipation.

If you are in Phase 5, love your wife so your children see that their father and mother love each other.

And watch this video for more tips:

Saturday, June 16, 2018

SATURDAY (2): MY RESPONSE TO KAREN SWALLOW PRIOR

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I thank Dr. Prior for agreeing to the interview and providing thoughtful responses to the questions I posed to her (see post preceding this one).

Certainly in weeks to come her answers to the 8 questions will receive close scrutiny from both critics and supporters of the Revoice conference.

In private communication with her, I sense that we have improved our ability to engage in discourse on many of these difficult social questions. Our common mentors tended to instruct me, some twenty years ago, by telling me that the greatest honor you can pay to someone is an honest and engaged reply to their ideas. So I have recorded this response to Dr. Prior's interview:




I just talked through it instead of writing it because I wanted the inflection of voice. I would like to thank Dr. Prior once more for agreeing to the interview.

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Post-script: In this interview I was asked by Urban Family Talk show hosts about this video response to Dr. Prior.

SATURDAY IN SOCIETY: FULL TRANSCRIPT OF INTERVIEW WITH KAREN SWALLOW PRIOR ON REVOICE

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In a past post I provided readers with the full, unedited interview I had with Tim Bayly, editor of Warhorn Media. Below is the full, unedited interview I had with Dr. Karen Swallow Prior. Dr. Prior teaches English at Liberty University and serves as a research fellow for the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention. She agreed to speak with me on the record regarding Revoice, a conference to take place July 26-28 in St. Louis.

Interview in full follows:


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1.    Please tell me your understanding of the Revoice conference's purpose. Is the organization and staging of this conference making an argument, in your understanding? If so, what is the argument that the organizers are making?

Conferences exist to bring people together around a common interest or purpose. I do not know that any, including this one, make an argument. The purpose of the conference, as its stated mission puts it is “Supporting, encouraging, and empowering gay, lesbian, same-sex-attracted, and other LGBT Christians so they can flourish while observing the historic, Christian doctrine of marriage and sexuality.” The implicit argument of the conference is that Christians who experience same-sex attraction can and should live in obedience to scriptural teaching, and benefit from the support of the church in doing so.


2.    Given your response to #1, do you agree with the argument that Revoice is making? Is it an argument you feel called to make to the public at large?

The reason I endorse the conference is that I believe Christians who are attracted to those of the same sex can and should live in obedience to scriptural teaching. I think that is becoming increasingly difficult in today’s culture to do so because of so many who say, wrongly, that homosexual behavior is not a sin. If the church does not support those in the midst of this struggle who are trying to live biblically faithful lives, they are at greater risk of giving up and embracing the false teaching purporting that homosexual behavior and Christianity are compatible. They are not.

3.    Did you consent to have your photograph and endorsement posted on the Revoice website? Did you intend this to signal to the public that you agreed with the conference?

Yes. I believe strongly that the church needs to support those who struggle with homosexual attractions yet want to live lives in obedience to scripture whether through celibacy or biblical marriage between a man and a woman. The power of Christ is sufficient to remove such desires, but for whatever reason, God does not choose to remove struggles and ailments for some of us on this side of heaven.

4.    Did you anticipate the resistance to Revoice that has arisen?

Of course. We live in a cultural climate defined, unfortunately, by the suspicious, hostile spirit of the “culture wars.” This spirit of the age makes it harder for Christians to think less within modernist, culturally constructed categories and more within biblical ones that transcend these. If there were not such resistance to helping our brothers and sisters in this struggle more effectively, there would not be a need for such a conference.

5.    You are listed as a "research fellow" for the Southern Baptist Convention's Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, which is funded by Cooperative Program funds taken from Baptist church members. Do you feel that public stances on issues such as the theme of Revoice require you to answer to Southern Baptists who take exception to them? Who holds you accountable as someone speaking with authority to Southern Baptists?

Yes, of course, I must answer to them. You are the first to take the time to question me directly and candidly about it. So, I thank you. I answer directly to the head of the ERLC, who answers to the trustees of the ERLC, who answer to Southern Baptists.

6.    What is your understanding of the criticisms of Revoice from some Southern Baptists and from some Presbyterians? Have you read through or listened to the essays and interviews in which these critics express their reservations? Whose? Do you see any truth in their concerns?

Yes, even some of my colleagues in the ERLC have written in opposition to the conference. I share some concerns about the language and terms used by some of the conference speakers. I think some terms are unclear, ill defined, and perhaps unfortunate. However, the need to understand what people mean by these terms and how they are used within the context of their endeavors to honor God and the scriptures through sexuality that is in submission to scripture points to the very need for such a conference. The aim of the conference is biblical faithfulness even amidst the struggle, and that is why I endorse it. That does not mean I endorse every speaker, every panel, every presentation. Again, I want to support those who are attracted to the same sex but choose obedience to God rather than indulgence to self.

7.    On June 13, Russell Moore stated to a messenger at the convention's annual meeting that he did not know about Revoice. Can you state that you never spoke with Dr. Moore about your involvement with the conference and your open endorsement of it? Have you spoken with him about Revoice at all since that event? Has he asked you to withdraw your endorsement?

I have not spoken at all with Dr. Moore about ReVoice, either before or after the convention’s annual meeting.

8.    If the Southern Baptist denomination determined that same-sex-attracted identity of any kind corresponds to "homosexuality" as defined in its past positions, and that the identity is itself is a sin rather than, in your words, something that needs to be "supported" as a manifestation of Biblical principles, which of your positions would you choose? Would you renounce publicly the arguments of Revoice figures such as Wesley Hill, Nate Collins, Eve Tushnet, and Greg Coles? Or would you vacate your post at the ERLC?

I suspect that a definition of “identity” is too modern and too fluid a philosophical and ontological category for Southern Baptists to agree on in a resolution. If they did, I would have to consider how they define the concept before making such a decision.

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